Oh, I'm scared all right

How are things going my fellow creative geniuses?

I've written four poems today!

Yes, four!

That's an amazing feat for me.

The one who could crack out twelve poems plus a couple short stories in less than a day.

Those were my days and I feel them slowly but surely coming back.

I even *gasp* submitted a poem to an online publication yesterday.

How do I feel about it?

Scared.

I'm not getting paid for it.

Poets have to make money by selling books.

I get that.

But I just want my name out there.

I want to BE WHO I AM.

Allow me to explain.

Every time my aunt visits, I swear it's every time, she always gives me some words of wisdom.

It's like having your own yogi or something because she "gets it" in my opinion.

What I mean by that is that we share similar spiritual views.

She tells me that my focus right now is to be who I really am.

I'll admit the real me got lost somewhere in between everything that's happened with me in my personal (medical) life.

For someone who boasts pretty loudly that they don't care what the world thinks, I always have.

I'm just as insecure as any other girl.

Writing has always been my way to get that out.

Then it became the thing I just enjoyed doing above all else.

I'm starting to feel it though.

This pull to break free from whatever chains I've placed on myself and just BE.

I've had other writer/poet friends tell me that I'm "almost there" or that "if only you could just bleed, really bleed onto that paper" just to name some examples.

I get what they mean.

And to get deeper into yourself is scary.

So much muck (for me) to claw through.

So much darkness.

Pain, even.

But I've got to.

I feel it's starting to reflect already.

And I'm enjoying it as well.

This is who I am.

I'm a friggen' poet!

Reading poetry helps too.

And at night I have some on audio.

Poetry is not dead.

I'm going to prove it.

:)

But in the meantime please feel free to check out my personal blog for updates.

Wish me luck, comrades!